Submission

 

I am not a rag doll, but it feels as though he can put his hand inside of my head and tug on pulleys and flick switches without my consent. Does that make sense, probably sounds insane? I am deeply susceptible to his dominant charms, especially sexually, I crave his sexual dominance, but even that would not have been enough under these circumstances. I will not go in to the details of why this week has been tumultuous other than other than to say he has shaken me to the core. Despite his betrayal, he has reaffirmed his control over me, he is my master and I am his submissive (in his mind slave). Should I be aroused, should I be delighted? Truth be told this scares me. I desired submission, but I never considered that the circumstances in our relationship would leave me unwilling to submit to him. Does that mean I wanted submission only on my terms? Whether I did or didn’t, the truth is that it is not truly on my terms and he has shown me just how much he can make me bend to his will. He made me his a long, long time ago and even his recent actions did not prevent him reasserting his control over me. He did not punish me to reassert his control. I let him hold me, but I wanted no more than that and even the gentlest touch of his fingers on my nipples was unwelcome. I knew what he was doing, getting back inside my head again and this continued with a few words in my ear, even though I asked him not to do this. Like Samson, my hair is also a weak point and he continued touching me with the firm strokes from my hairbrush. This was the second day and the hardest day emotionally, though he would have my submission, my trust will take longer to earn. The following day I made “demands” due to my lack of trust, however well phrased I thought they were at the time, these were subsequently not well received. I thought he had agreed to them, to be later told that they were unacceptable. We were in the living room at the time, the house to ourselves and I had been resting beside him on the sofa. Even if he agreed to my “demands” first thing that morning, the moment he told me to get the heavy cane was the moment it became clear that they were no longer acceptable. I walked upstairs, accepting the inevitable in my head while searching through our toys for the cane. The canes are always easy to find, in an arrow tube in our wardrobe and so I returned quickly, just a few minutes later. I returned to the living room and he was still sitting on the sofa as I handed him the cane. As per his instructions I closed the living room curtains before undressing, my clothes abandoned on the floor. He instructed me to bend over in front of the coffee table, my backside sticking out in the air as I leaned on the coffee table with my hands supporting my weight. He did not say a word before this happened, though I knew why he was about to punish me. As the strokes landed I began counting in my head knowing that he would expect this, hoping that I could keep an accurate account. Some of the strokes had me standing on tip toes and others had me wanting to cower in to the floor. The pain from each moment had to be dismissed as he expected me to be in the correct position for every stroke. I hope he would stop at twelve, though when he said to count to eighteen and I should tell him when that figure was reached that set my expectations. Nineteen strokes later he stopped, my backside relieved even as I knelt on the floor in front of him. He did not follow this up with any form of sexual pleasure which was most unlike him and in truth it did not even dawn on me that he hadn’t as he instead instructed me to make him a gin and tonic. This was most unlike him, even after punishment he has always taken his pleasure, I had obviously angered him, though that had never been my intention. He had always intended to pierce my nipples over Christmas, though I did not expect him to follow through after what had happened. The following day he made it clear that he intended to follow through. I asked him if he would reconsider this, his reply was unsurprisingly no. I accepted my fate and fetched the required “materials” from the draw under our bed. With heavy legs I walked up our stairs and entered our bedroom. Within minutes I found the Betadine and nipple piercing kit, but even as I was looking it went through my head did I really want to do this? The answer was no, but this was for him and given the circumstances it was also a means for him to stamp his mark of ownership on me (something I had always desired), not that he needed to do so. I can be playful cheeky with him sometimes, but when it comes down to it I may as well have slave tattooed inside my head, for even if I do not see myself as one it is how I behave at times. He was sitting on the floor when I returned to the living room, waiting for me, though at least he didn’t look impatient. Still naked I lay down on the floor next to him, my backside still sore and the carpet wasn’t helping with that. Very few words passed between us at this point, other than his instructions to move closer. I wasn’t really watching what he was doing, I didn’t want to think what he was about to do to me. I wanted something to hold on to, but I had nothing other than the blanket he had put on the carpet beneath me. I felt him wipe down my right breast before he said “sharp prick coming..” and then out came a scream. It felt like an eternity as he pierced my right nipple, though he told me afterwards it had only taken around five seconds to do so. I tried to look up to see it, but he told me to lie back down as he hadn’t quite finished, he still had to close the piercing with the ball. I personally had quite enough of it by then and made a few more noises as he sealed the ring. He told me I could sit up, surprised and relieved that he had no intention of doing the other nipple. He said he wanted to see how well the other nipple healed first. I felt a bit dizzy as I tried to sit up, so instead lay there for a while longer. The pain, a constant distraction that remained with me all night and days later I am still struggling. My left nipple is also suffering as I no longer have two for him to play with and the left one is going to end up as sore as the right one at this rate!