blind obedience or stupidity?

As a consequence of my personal problems, I have distanced myself from other submissives and left the group I was running. Its hard to support others when your mind is preoccupied and your questioning everything you do as a submissive, am I qualified to offer anyone advise?  The decisions he has taken in my life, the things I have accepted, I would never encourage another submissive to do the same. In fact I would probably advise a great degree of caution. Saying all this, I will try not to make this post too depressing but this blog will be my emotional outlet so I make no promises. Three weeks yesterday he pierced my right nipple. Its healing, the ring runs smoothly and the cleaning fluid no longer burns and importantly, wearing a bra is now comfortable. I have large breasts and that’s made it a little more difficult. Though I would also suggest anyone who considers a nipple piercing use a bar rather than a ring, the ball on the rings just catch everything. His plan was to do one and allow that to recover before doing the other, a plan I was originally happy with. Truth be told though I would not volunteer to do the other one, he has though said he would happily leave it at the one. In time though I know he will want to do the other despite his comment and I know I will accept it. On a related note, I do not know why women would voluntarily put themselves through this in the name of vanity? The weeks following Christmas have not been easy. He has enforced a little more structure and discipline in my life with him, the structure and pain keeps a handle on my moods and enforces my obedience. He made me wear my collar one night in bed, a mixture of leather and metal, so it would not be quiet to wear, nor comfortable, but despite how unwelcome it felt at the beginning, it made me feel owned, it made me feel cared for.  Not all of this may have not been welcome, it was however needed and perhaps necessary for my state of mind and ultimately our relationship. Being him, he is not content with my obedience and in the last couple of weeks he has wanted further evidence of my submission. While knelt on the floor in front of the sofa he presented me with two options. Neither options were going to be pleasant, but they weren’t supposed to be. One of the choices he gave to me would result in me inserting a needle in to my left nipple. I asked him why and could not understand why he wanted further evidence of my submission given that a week earlier I had acquiesced to his wishes and accepted another submissive in our lives for him. He said to  me recently he does not make that many demands of me compared to other submissives and I know he is right, it just the demands recently have been particularly great. It showed me a side of him I had never truly seen, it also showed me how much he could manipulate me and if he so chose, abuse me. In all honesty it scared me. I don’t know how to move on, my thoughts aren’t with me all the time, but small acts trigger my doubts and insecurities about him. I’m scared of letting go of what’s happened, because the inevitable consequence will be trusting him again. Though to be happy I have to trust him. Its funny, I will obey him, but I don’t completely trust him, is that blind obedience or stupidity?